Here we get a pretty good shot of Atlanta's scenic Delaware Water Gap, taken on my way to pick up Princess Sunshine at Newark Liberty International Airport in Atlanta.

The bridges around Atlanta were built by the Roman Empire. Who knew?

Here's the Delaware Water Gap as seen from the other side, so if that's in Atlanta, the other side would be, um, let's see... South Carolina.

Once at the hotel, Princess Sunshine went to the lobby to look through the pamphlets and brochures to find out what pasttimes and attractions were available locally. This was the best she was able to find: Quarter Midget Racing. Not even full midgets! I think it was around this point that we realized just how badly we needed Doc Trauma to show up and clue us in as to what was worth visiting in the area. We'd already checked out the Stroud Mall, and I mentioned it as a possible destination whenever I wanted Princess Sunshine to give me the Hairy Eyeball (you know the kind of look I mean). Later, it was determined that the proper progression in Dungeons & Dragons terms goes: Human, Halfling, Quarter Midget, Kate Moss. I'm not sure I understand that one either, but there it is.

She also found this. We considered going to the front desk to demand our free child, but decided that the hotel staff wouldn't appreciate the humor.

We also fairly seriously considered going out in the halls for Ironing Board Jousting, and went so far as to practice hefting the ironing board and moving with it, but sadly, the actual jousting match never came to fruition.

Fortunately, Doc Trauma did eventually show up and singlehandedly resuced us from long hours of staring blankly at the hotel room walls. We cannot thank him enough and will not try.

Oh, the hell we won't. Thanks, Doc. You were great.

Princess Sunshine spent more on this trip on bouncy balls than I did on gasoline for the car. To her credit, she got the color of ball she wanted, and about a half dozen more on top of that, culminating a three year hunt rather anticlimactically, I would think. Here is but a handful of her acquisitions.

I still don't know if this was a photo of foliage or a photo of the building largely obscured by the foliage, but either way it's picturesque. Also, saying foliage is fun. Try it! Foliage foliage foliage.

I took a picture of Doc Trauma preparing to take a picture of us. His came out better.

Here we are at Columcille, the most famous tourist attraction in all of Atlanta. "We" consists of the side of Doc Trauma's head, the back of Princess Sunshine's head, the back of Sweet Sarnia's head, the back of PinkLady's head, and me (not pictured). No one else showed up. And Atlanta was supposed to be such a large meet. I guess everyone else had a really hard time finding the hotel or something.

If I had to sum up the theme of Columcille in one word, it would be: Rocks. Lots and lots of rocks.

Some of the rocks were stacked quite impressively.

Others, less so.

Why was this present at this location? Because the Blair Witch was already booked elsewhere, that's why.

Doc demonstrates for our amusement the methods of human sacrifice practiced centuries ago in Columcille by the ancient Mayans of Atlanta.

Doc did not actually say at this point, "You don't need a picture of fucking everything, Varjak!" I'm reasonably sure he didn't even think it. But he's kinda got that look, doesn't he?

Here we have a distant, blurry photograph that purportedly provides evidence to confirm the existence of the elusive Princess Sunshine, long rumored to inhabit the region (specifically, Atlanta).

Doc Trauma, Rugged Frontiersman.

This sign, as you can plainly see, indicates that we were about to start down The Olds Tone Wall Path.

"Take me to your leader, Earth creature!"

A photo of an ancient Indian blue wood tarp. They acquired this technology from the Mayans in exchange for the secrets of really bitchin' headgear.

I include this photo only because I took it by holding the camera up over my head and pointing it behind me, and I think it came out quite well.

Ancient ruins (still under construction) get some help from Princess Sunshine and Sweet Sarnia.

Their efforts to recreate Test For Echo were not entirely successful but impressive nonetheless, and they earn top marks for trying.

This is what a bird's eye view of Doc Trauma and PinkLady would look like if the bird was standing stationary on a rock overlooking them, and were also about six feet tall. And had a camera.

The Famed Ancient Indian Crystal Teddy Bear Wind Chimes Of Columcille. Breathtaking. I walked into them before I noticed them.

I like the fact that the circular stone wall is only six inches high, tops, and there's still a designed entranceway. Maybe they planned to make the wall much taller but got bored. No good lazy Atlanta Indians. Or maybe this is Calvin's effort "The Triumph Of Perseverence."

The wild and fearsome Doc Trauma prepares to pounce upon his helpless, unsuspecting prey.

They stack rocks inside, as well. I don't know why. I'm just a doofus tourist who doesn't understand the customs of the Deep South.

Another Princess Sunshine sighting. Or possibly lint on the camera lens. It's so hard to tell sometimes.

This is so totally not phallic, so don't even think about that. Thank you.

Waterhenge: The glory of low expectations.

The Delaware Water Gap, as seen from a vantage point I failed to notice while driving at 60 MPH in heavy traffic next to a concrete barrier on I-80 while simultaneously trying to operate a camera to photograph the foliage. (Foliage foliage foliage!) I'm sorry I missed noticing this my first time through and clearly need to pay more attention to my surroundings.

I like that you can see the ripples from raindrops on the river surface.

Sweet Sarnia finds a new familiar. Sadly, it didn't survive the 3-lb. lead necklace. Easy come, easy go.

The beautiful foliage of Atlanta.

Oh yeah. Princess Sunshine found a four leaf clover. Then she started looking for them, and she managed to find nine more in under five minutes. Makes me wonder what the hell is flowing through the Delaware Water Gap. She also found, but did not pick, a five leaf clover. (No she did not find a ten leaf clover, and the fact that that question occured to you does not make you anywhere near as clever as you think it does.)

I took a picture of Sweet Sarnia backing up during the day.

Also, I took a picture of Sweet Sarnia pulling forward during the night. I cover my bases well. I also blinded the driver by taking this photo. That was clever of me.

This picture failed on almost every level.

In this photo Sweet Sarnia totally looks like she only weighs 60 pounds. *rim shot!*

Every time Princess Sunshine looked at this photo she started giggling, so I include it here.

PinkLady, framed neatly between a lamp and a soda bottle in our dump of a hotel room.

Seriously, we asked for a room next to Doc Trauma's. He got 224 and we got 150, which (this will shock and amaze you) are not located next to each other. Room 150 was right off the lobby and it was the handicapped-equipped room. There were all sorts of extra railing around the toilet and shower. The remote control for the television was missing, which I am sure is convenient to handicapped people. There was no clock radio. There was nothing in the sink to aerate the water so when you turned the water on, it splashed out all over you. The shower made a sound like a lawnmower whenever it was used. And at one point the twin lights between the beds came on at random, untouched. On the plus side, we didn't have to spend too much time there, thanks to the aforementioned Doc Trauma.

PinkLady, sorry to turn a photo of you into a rant about our hotel room, but I had to bitch about it somewhere, and it happened to occur with this photo.

We went here for dinner because it was within walking distance of the hotel. We walked in, were shown to a table, and handed menus. I opened mine and noticed a menu entry that read, with no further explanation, "CHICKEN AND SHRIMP - $27.95." At the top of the menu was a reference to the "Banquet For Two" at a price of $81.50, which sounds like a lot until you do the math and realize that works out to only $40.75 per person. The five of us all looked at each other and realized that we could communicate telepathically, because we were all clearly thinking the same thing. We promptly put the menus down and went back to the hotel.

An idea was floated, actually. We considered eating there, then, when the bill arrived, handing the waiter a twenty, saying softly, "Hey... We know Merle," and giving that cool double-point wink gesture to indicate that we all understood what was going on and that the bill was handled. But, we figured that wouldn't be fair to Merle, so we opted to eat somewhere else instead.

We ended up here, and it was a much better place, more reasonably priced. The staff was friendly, the food was good, and we had a great time discussing old restaurants in the area ("We serve beef and ale!"), twist endings to old tv shows (Magnum PI ended with Magnum waking up in bed with Bob Newhart), and the fact that the last time I was seen drunk, I apparently went on and on about my cats (I'm fucking sorry already!). Good times.

The background came out so well in the previous photo that I took some more pictures of the garden outside.

I have to admit, I rather like the tradional Atlanta architecture.

They stacked rocks outside the restaurant, too. Maybe it's owned by the same people who own Columcille.

Is it creepy when glasses appear to have eyes in them when they're not being worn?

Princess Sunshine takes a rare picture of me with my eyes open. It probably helps to catch me while driving. When I'm behind the wheel my eyes are open nearly half the time.

This was the scene shortly after I arrived home. How many of you saw something that nice when you got home, hunh? And when you get to the end of that rainbow, you will most likely find not a pot of gold, but rather a stack of rocks. It'd be only fitting.