It is an oft-repeated note of historical trivia that Benjamin Franklin pushed to have turkeys declared the national bird. We went with the bald eagle instead, which I have to say was a good choice. Today, turkeys are best known for going "Gobble gobble," being eaten en mass on Thanksgiving Day (Gobble gobble!), and not a whole hell of a lot else. Despite all the great innovations he had, despite all he did to create this nation, in this one case I think the lesson is: Fuck Benjamin Franklin.

Hey, even Leonardo Da Vinci invented a wind-powered earwax remover. No one has all good ideas.