My first photo upon arrival, which occurred a bit later than I had hoped for. I just started my new shift, noon to eight PM, the day before, and I had planned to simply hop in the car after work and drive right down. This plan worked to perfection except for the detail that when I got to work, I noticed a bulge had formed on one of my front tires, and the responsible part of me, not to mention the self-preservation instinct part of me, decided it would be a bad idea to drive to Altoona and back with the tire in that condition, in the sense that if I attempted it, I'd fail. I had this mental image of the tire blowing out on the sections of I-80 located in the wilderness, where the highway hasn't been repaved since Eisenhower was President.
So, I had to drive straight home after work, thankfully tailed by a coworker, Stacey, who volunteered to make sure I got home okay, and I suspect to bear witness if my tire exploded and killed thousands of people or something. I got home without incident, and had to trade vehicles, ending up driving a car I had never driven before with controls I wasn't familiar with to a place I'd never been before in the middle of the night, which is exactly what the experts recommend. But other than the moment where I saw lightning on the horizon and had a brief scramble to figure out how to turn the windshield wipers on and off, it went pretty smoothly.
There was also the bit where I got the keycard to my room, and when I went to the room, the card failed several times, and then someone banged on the door from the inside. I went back to the main desk to figure out what was going on, and the woman there was on the phone with the person in the room I had just tried to enter, because the woman wanted to report some stranger she didn't know was trying to get into her room. Apparently the woman was registered as in 318 but ended up in 316, so they gave me 318 instead, and things went smoothly from there. I considered knocking on 316 and apologizing just for laughs, but decided against it.
I also got a little grief for introducing myself to Princess Sunshine over the phone by name, then clarfiying "Varjak." It was pointed out to me that she knows who I am, and I pointed out to them that she may know many people by my real name, but she only knows one Varjak. No one put up a credible argument against that, so I win. Woot.
Pictured above is Sarcastica (not pictured), who looked as tired as I felt at that point.
Rather than try to take pictures of interesting goings-on, I started taking pictures of the pictures on TechSmurf's laptop. This is my new low of KoL meet creativity.
Tech loves this one. I must admit, I still don't quite get it.
However, I must admit I find this one amusing.
And this still makes me laugh even though I'm awake now.
TechSmurf gives Hogulus a piggyback ride. I declined to give one at this point for fear I would instantly collapse.
Someone in our group, I forget who but it wasn't me, looked up at this sign and identified the time as ninety-nine after forty-five. Clearly I wasn't the only tired one.
Answer me this: Why would a hotel purchase futons for the room and then make them impossible to fold out into a bed? Hogulus (not pictured) said that he was actually wondering what part of the frame he had to cut off to get the thing open. I even tipped the thing onto its back to see if we could figure it out. We couldn't.
This is without a doubt the single largest Sheetz I have ever been in. It's also the only Sheetz I've ever been to where you can pump your gas, pay cash, and get change without ever entering the building or even interacting with another human being. We went here for brunch, though the real motivation was that the hotel didn't have wireless, and Sheetz did.
Hogulus, TechSmurf, and Seldon. Tech and Seldon were both on KoL. They were sending blue messages to each other in chat. There is no proof that this is a sign that humanity is doomed, but when you need wireless access to communicate with another person at your table, we're in bad shape as a species. Not that I'm putting it all on them. I'm sure Hogulus isn't helping, either. I, of course, am perfect.
If there's one thing I look for in a Sheetz, it's that it's always o en.
Plastic speed bumps bolted down are a close second.
Big Lots didn't have much on the shelves. Didn't really have shelves, either.
The stockroom was pretty empty, too.
I don't know what's funnier, TechSmurf holding this CD or the price tags on it.
If you're going to hang festive balloons from the ceiling, it helps to keep up with them, or else they stop being quite as festive and become a bit disturbing.
TechSmurf agreed with me that I framed this photo quite well.
Dollar General, welcome to 1974!
This is Kristy. I cannot refer to her by her KoL name because she does not play KoL and therefore does not have a KoL name. We did not hold this against her.
Mountain pattern baldness.
"Stop taking pictures of me and drive the goddamn car! We're all going to die! Jesus Christ! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Pennsylvania has corn. Lotsa corn. Driving along here, I got to wondering, if lightning strikes a corn field, can it leave a popcorn crater? 'Cause that'd be really funny.
Wal-Mart backwards is Tram-Law. Just sayin'.
I assure you this is sunscreen, and it dispenses from the bottle at a much greater rate than TechSmurf expected.
A beautiful day for a swim in a beautiful setting.
PinkLady and Sweet Sarnia showed up, seriously classing up the meet.
And they were also correct about how to find KoLers. They're the whitest people around.
If you aren't sure how bad your hair looks after getting out of the water, and there's no mirror around, you can find out simply by taking a picture of yourself, as demonstrated here.
There was this one ugly cut in the trees that broke the perfect coverage across the mountains and I couldn't figure out why it was there.
Then I saw this. *sigh*
It seems a little odd to me to spend the money to buy a boat that doesn't have any protection against the sun, and then rig up a blue tarp to protect yourself against the sun.
I cannot confirm that this is the same blue tarp we saw at Columcille, but it would not surprise me.
And lo the lord did give unto TechSmurf a tablet containing ten commandments, and the lord said "In accordance with these words I have made a covenant with you and with Israel," which TechSmurf thought was really odd because he's not exactly Israeli, but playing along he said unto the lord "Show me your glory," and the lord, knowing TechSmurf, misinterpreted this and the windows of heaven were opened, and the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights (not pictured). Nice goin', Tech.
This is a rock. Every time you see a Hulk action figure (or doll, if you must) that comes with an accessory, the Hulk gets stuck with a rock, like this one, only made of plastic. Other heroes get all sorts of cool things, but Hulk always gets a damn rock. It's not fair. It's just not fair.
I sure hope Princess Sunshine never sees this one.
Tech took this picture of me in the Epic Pose. It turned out pretty well. On the ironic side of things, when we were preparing to go to this beach I realized that I had forgotten to pack a towel. Really.
I took a picture of Sweet Sarnia driving, keeping up with the tradition started in Atlanta.
I guess this was a big deal to him because he's from New Jersey, because TechSmurf was so excited to see these cows and take pictures of them that he actually used the word "cowgasm."
I imagine it looks something like this. Try not to think about it.
I always take a picture of someone taking a picture. It's apparently my little ritual.
This just screams class, don't it?
Sweet Sarnia poses with a soda that just oozes class everywhere: Bubba Cola. What a store! They also have...
A pallet of pellets!
Invisible tape that is clearly visible!
Socks! And not just any socks, but socks that come in a helpful box. Say you're at the store, and you see the socks, and you don't remember off the top of your head how you are doing on the sock front, and you can't decide whether or not to buy them. Well, this helpful packaging helpfully helps you realize that, hey, you need new socks, dammit! None of the cumbersome having to consult a list or busying yourself with remembering shit. Just read the box! WARNINGS: This can be dangerous if you work in the store. Please observe this box with caution. For external use only. Do not taunt the sock box.
Gum! (Before my last tangent, this was a list of all the things the store had, remember? Well, consider yourself reminded, and they've got gum, okay?) Our jaws hurt just looking at this.
Originally I took this picture because of how funny it was that the billboard on the bottom was missing the words "is bullshit." Looking at it now, the concept of advertising "shy beaver" is pretty funny too.
One solitary introspective bird.
Everyone knows in Mexico, don't drink the water. In Mexican restaurants, the rules aren't so clear. Sweet Sarnia stuck with the margaritas and avoided the whole issue.
The minimeet participants tour a festive dark alley that came complete with an utterly rank odor (not pictured).
A somewhat blurry photo of TechSmurf, PinkLady, and I forming the beginning of a rainbow. Sadly, this rainbow had no end. (That sounds wonderfully poetic and I don't have the slightest clue what it means, so it must be profound.)
CUDDLEPILE!!!
After the first drink.
After the twentieth drink.
Jack, meet Bubba. Bubba, Jack.
Don't spill Bubba. Don't spill Bubba! Please, for the love of Christ, don't spill Bubba!
Blank white cards. Nuff said.
Sweet Sarnia tries to hide under my knee, with limited success.
This spontaneous photo took over a half dozen attempts (not pictured) to get right.
I love this sign. It's not just any furniture consignment shop, it's an upscale furniture consignment shop! None of your half-assed Average Joe furniture consignment here, nosiree bob! Normal furniture consignment is for the common people. Only here can you get the upscale furniture consignment that you and your fancy new iPod that costs three times as much for half the storage space in a propietary format deserve! You gotta check it out. It's UPSCALE!!!
I think I've mocked this enough now, thank you very much.
Spr0cket peers through a hole in the restuarant booth, a hole that I think was supposed to be there. A moment later TechSmurf peered through a matching hole off to the right, but I had already shut my camera off, so I pretended to take a picture of him (not pictured), and, satisfied, he went back to the conversation in his booth.
I like to find my own words in puzzles, as evidenced by "lasojdrenn." Then I found "quack," and then lucked out and found TechSmurf's name, so I gave him the placemat as a souvenir.
The Frownie Brownie is the mascot for the restaurant, and it's a lot creepier than I think it should be. Doesn't this just leave you in the mind of "Ernst and Vito would like to have a word with you regarding the money for the bill, capiche"?
TechSmurf leaned against the car by himself, spread his arms, and said, "Women, come to me." This picture was taken fifteen seconds later. I just don't get it.
Or this, though Hogulus holding the handbag was my idea.
On the way home, I spotted a fixer upper, or as they like to call it, a "handyman's dream."
Take a close look at the side of the road. See the patches there, evenly spaced, as far as the eye can see? This went on for twenty miles. Here in America we may not be able to find the money needed to feed the hungry or house the homeless or heal the ill, and our infant mortality rate may be appalling, but we can find the cash to patch up miles of margin-wide rumble patches and replace them with rumble strips. Sometimes this fucking country drives me insane.
You don't have to go to swimming areas outside Altoona to find great scenery.
And I just had to take a picture of this, because something about it is just so counterintuitive. They don't make cars like this anymore. Just for example, in the time since this convertible was manufactured, average gas mileage in this country has improved nearly ten percent!
I'd love to end it here with some profound words of wisdom. But, I'm not going to.