I didn't get any good photos on my way to Phoenix, because I managed to not get a window seat on either flight I took in. Leaving the airport for the hotel, I looked back and saw a gorgeous scene. I could see the airport, and behind it was a deep, solid grey from falling rain in the distance, bookended by orange skies. There were two small openings near the ends of the grey through which sunlight was streaming down in brilliant shafts of light, one sweeping to the left, the other stabbing straight down at the ground. As I took this in, a bolt of lightning lit the very center of the raincloud. I spun to my bag and pulled out my camera, and just that fast we rounded a curve and buildings blocked my view, and I never got the shot. The best I can do is this, the last picture on my camera before the Con, taken in my backyard a week earlier, as severe thunderstorms rolled through the area. It's not as good a shot, but at this point it's the best I can do.

With my typical knack for planning, I arrived on Thursday only to discover I hadn't packed the list of phone numbers I'd compiled, leaving me no way to contact anyone until Gameworks. I did draw the classic KoL avatar and put it on my door, but no one knocked while I was there. I killed a day familiarizing myself with the area and checking out Arizona Mills, which is without a doubt the largest mall I've ever been in. Sad fact about Arizona Mills: According to the mall directory, it currently houses fifteen stores dedicated to footwear, some of which are larger than the reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial, but it only houses one single solitary bookstore, and it's a small one. (When I commented on this at Gameowrks, I was told, "Everyone needs to walk. Not everyone reads." True enough, I suppose.) I tell this enormously long story to delay having to admit that my camera doesn't work real well in dim light, so most of my Gameworks photos turned out like this.

Or this. I showed up an hour early after watching Superman Returns in the Imax theater right next door, and they were still setting up. I wandered out for about 45 minutes, and when I came back KoL had swarmed Gameworks. I was lucky enough to be standing right in the doorway when they announced they were ready to start registering who was there, so I signed the paper first and managed to avoid the line that quickly formed, which I took a picture of here. If you could actually see the line, it would be much more impressive.

Testing the camera in the bad light, I took this picture, which features DJFreeMason's forehead quite prominently. The flash went off right in his eyes. He really appreciated this, as you can well imagine. He then showed us his mason's card, and when I asked what benefits I could expect as a result of knowing a mason, he said, "None." I suspect this was a lie and that he was just still a little annoyed about the camera flash.

Without the flash, the exposure gets really long, and then images look like this, which really isn't a big improvement. Two interesting notes from this night: One, someone, I forget who, he told me his name twice but I managed to forget it twice, asked me if I was Jick. Oh, I was tempted, I was so tempted, but in a rare unfortunate fit of sanity I decided to be honest. I mentioned it to Jick in passing the next day. He seemed to get a kick out of it. Two, later this night, in this room, they set up the Guitar Hero game and started playing. Never mind the fact that this event was being held in a freakin' video arcade, they had to bring their own video game. This still baffles me, and I don't like being baffled, so I'm not going to talk about it anymore. Enough of Gameworks. On to the next day...

Ducks! Arizona has temperate waterfowl! Who knew?

This is Wank at one of the most popular locations on Sunday, right in front of the giant cooling units. I talked to her more on Sunday when we were each waiting outside the hotel for our respective rides to the airport to arrive. She had seen the KoL sign on my door and knocked more than once, but I apparently was never in. Hey, why cross the country to Arizona and then spend the weekend in the hotel room, right?

EyeSpeculum liked the cool air, too. In addition to being asked if I was Jick, someone asked me if I was EyeSpeculum. I said no, but we have similar hair. The person who asked didn't think much of that response and beat a hasty retreat.

Famous Dave's and the truck full o' food. (Food not pictured.)

The mariachi band and its young dancing troupe.

If Jick was hoping to maintain some semblance of a low profile, he blew it with his shirt selection. This isn't a good picture, but you still get the point. The night before, Skullhead was accused of wearing a shirt made out of material used to cover matresses. Hey, KoL consists of geeks, not fashion consultants.

Some people chose to sit back and rest for a while.

Others took the "My god, I've been shot!" approach.

The line here crossing the entire length of the picture is of people waiting to be documented as 21 or older so they could get alcohol. Easily half the people present at this point of the event ended up in line at the same time. We couldn't have gotten that many people to move in the same direction at once if there had been a fire.

Naners, mid-mouthful, partially obscured by my finger. I doubt she will number this one among the better pictures ever taken of her.

I understand that the band here was pretty lousy but that it wasn't an issue because "most people won't be able to tell anyway." I won't dispute that at all.

Yes, they were playing Guitar Hero here as well. All the money our government is pissing away on the War On Drugs when clearly Guitar Hero addiction is a much more serious addiction.

I didn't get this picture off fast enough. On this hand of the poker tournament, the flop was 6 6 6. Someone suggested that Satan might burst out of the table and swallow our souls. That would likely have been the highlight of the afternoon if it had happened, but it didn't.

I wouldn't have guessed that pinatas would be as big a draw as alcohol. That's why I merely attend these events while others more in tune with the common KoLer arrange the actual events.

There was even a post-pinata wrestling match, which is vaguely visible here.

For those who can't reach the level of musical talent to excel at Guitar Hero, the only remaining option is to actually play and sing real music with others. Sad, isn't it?

Even if they're not good enough for Guitar Hero, they're good enough to get people to dance, which means they equaled the benchmark set by the mariachi band.

Lillith was pretty much the first in line to get her certificate of participation signed by Jick and Skullhead. The line here was, unbelievably, longer than the line for alcohol. I waited about half an hour or so before getting in line, when it was much shorter. Hey, first or last in line, the certificate still got signed, right? Right.

I don't know what the hell this is, but it's not a picture I intended to take. We'll just skip right over this if it's all the same to you, thank you very much.

Really, this was a nice area for the Con. The water doesn't look so good up close and in some places has large gobs of green moss or slime floating in it, but it's not meant for swimming anyway.

Here's the sabre-toothed lime pinata. At least, that's what I think it is. It might be a glob of slime from the lake, or a seasick smurf. It's hard to tell, because I took this picture from about 7000 feet away.

Okay, it is the sabre-toothed lime pinata.

This is the end of the extremely long autograph line. I'm not certain what the deal is with this photograph, because for some reason it appears that Skullhead has Superman's freeze breath and is using it on this unfortunate soul's crotch. I'm sure there's a logical explanation for what's going on here, but frankly I doubt it'd be as interesting as what I just suggested, so I'm going to stick with that.

Satan didn't show up at the poker game, but we did at least get this close.

Here he is impersonating a Disco Bandit I assume. This photo is blurry for some reason. Just to bring back an old gag for no good reason, I blame Adah.

And finally the assault on the sabre-toothed lime begins. This picture was taken much later than the earlier pictures of the lime, as is evidenced by various pieces of evidence in this photo that indicate that it was taken later.

At this point it got dark enough that I stopped taking pictures, for reasons explained above. There was some other stuff scheduled that I didn't get to. I had arranged a ride, but around 11 PM I fell asleep. Bear in mind that I'm from the east coast, so it was 2 AM to my internal clock, and I was a bit under the weather all weeekend with an inner ear problem. If my ride called, I slept right through it. Probably for the best anyway, considering how I was feeling.

The next morning, there was little more to do than pack up and leave. Talked briefly with Wank, then got a ride to the airport in a taxi driven by a large scruffy man who was feeding himself fistfuls of Nacho Cheese Doritios and Welch's Grape Soda as he drove, but he got me right to the airport and dropped me off at the right door for my airline, so I'm not inclined to complain.

The only other thing I was inclined to take a picture of on the way home was this odd sign on the mirror above a sink saying that it was automated and would turn on and off if you stood in front of it, but "dark clothing may not activate sensor," so if you dress all in black, you may be literally incapable of washing your hands before returning to work. I considered taking a picture of that just because it was so goofy, but on general principles I decided against pulling out a camera and taking pictures in the men's room. I'm sure you understand, even if you're not inclined to be forgiving.

And that's all I got. Not as good a photoset as I got at St. Louis, and a lot more impersonal, but it's what I managed to get. Thanks to everyone for the great time I had there, especially those who arranged the various events and schedules of the Con--I certainly couldn't have put all this together.

An adventurer is me.