IMPORTANT NOTICE: This photoset has officially been TechSmurf approved.

Perhaps you've noticed I like to start with photos that aren't related to the meet. This photo was taken after I left home to head off to the meet, at a Wendy's near where I live. Would you consider this handicapped-accessible or not? I'm not sure we can even give credit for effort here.

There was scattered fog throughout the trip to Pittsburgh (my midway stopping point both to and from the meet) which gave a vague impression of numerous brush fires along the mountains near Penn State.

We asked if they knew where we could get any cocaine, but they didn't think we were very damn funny.

If you know anyone who needs a metric fuckton of bark mulch, here's your guy!

The Amish have come a long way.

This used to be a four-way intersection (not pictured), but now it's a three-way intersection (also not pictured). The road used to continue to the main highway, but the universtiy constructed a building that spanned the highway so students could safely cross it. The building was located where the road used to be, so that road was removed. The university gates, pictured above, were where that road met the highway, so in the classic manner of bureaucratic committee compromise, the gates were moved back a block, to here, where they are located completely inside the campus, which makes about as much sense as taking the elderly Wal-Mart door greeter and moving him to the frozen foods section. You'd think a premier university would be smarter than this. It makes me sad just thinking about it. The university has slipped since I graduated. Hopefully local resident TechSmurf can get them back on track. That, or he'll have the gates replaced with statues of prolapsed rectums.

Here's where the building spans the highway. You can see the traces of a crosswalk near the bottom of the photo. College students tend not to look before they cross the street for some reason. Imagine wandering into the middle of this street. There was at least one fatality here when I was a student, and the fact that there doesn't have to be any pedestrian traffic at all anymore is a huge improvement.

This is the univeristy library. I think Penn State is the only place in the world where the athletic center is named after a former university president and the library is named after the football coach.

"There's no more money for benches." "Just smooth off the top of some rocks. That'll be good enough."

The black object in the background is a fountain. It's turned off at this point because it was a dreary, drizzly day, and they don't want the fountain to get wet.

Old Coaly the mule was so popular that when he died they put his bones on display in various places, ending up here at some point after I graduated. I can't imagine what decor could possibly be more festive than century-dead mule bones. The glow in the upper left is not a reflection of a camera flash, it's Old Coaly's spirit pleading, "For the love of Christ, let me rest in peace already! Please!"

If you go through here the other way, it's the gateway to Alabama.

Remember John, from last year's Columbus meet photos? No, of course you don't, so stop lying. Here he is, demonstrating the ability to raise just one eyebrow, which I am incapable of doing. John also is the person who coined the name "Varjak" for me. If you're ever at Penn State and see him around, tell him I said "Hi." Also tell him I said "Gorg, son of Notar, ruler of the village people." He'll know what it means. Seriously.

Reserved me...

...happy me! This photo cracks me up.

Pittsburgh has bridges. They go in every direction at once, and they are impossible to avoid, and the odds are that if you go over even a single one, you will become hopelessly lost.

Overheight truck is probably already wedged solid, leading to a two hour backup on the interstate.

This sign mysteriously states "HUBCAPS, EXIT 1," which is funny. This photo of it is funny for a different reason.

Another festive corpse grove photo.

This person was advertising a pizza place. He was demonstrating WAY too much enthusiasm for a job like that, unless he was getting paid in heroin or something.

Here is a photo of the ground. I don't know why either.

It didn't come out too well, but the sun was shining through with beams of light that looked like something out of a video game.

This was pretty awesome too.

Cars can go 65. Earthworms must stay below 55.

Tell me more about this new company Su Co.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! There was also this meet thingie going on in Columbus.

A Kingdom Of Loathing meet without Super Mario Brothers is like the Kingdom Of Loathing without the Inexplicable Door.

And what would a Kingdom Of Loathing meet be without algebra homework?

And what would a Kingdom Of Loathing meet be without Viking helmets, and, um dier_cire signalling touchdown, and, er, okay, I think this gag has gone as far as it can go.

TechSmurf is moonlighting as a mime in the moonlight.

Christmas in the mall! Santa Claus talking to children! Carols playing over the sound system! It must be any time past Labor Day! I suggested drowning Santa in the fountain behind him (which is indoors and therefore on because there's no danger of it getting wet), but was met with a lack of enthusiasm by my fellow Loathers, so I didn't press the matter.

I demonstrate the fine art of flicking berries off a tree. The hardest part is not cursing when the don't go flying and you feel like you've just hit your fingernail with a very small hammer.

This part of the hotel needed a little fixing up. The rest of it was great.

Rungalo wore a shirt that was not very funny. He actually apologized to me for this.

Short Tech...

...tall Tech! These two photos together would make a very substandard animated GIF.

For that matter, so would this one...

...combined with this one.

This is actually a trick of perspective. Sweet Sarnia is standing near the coat rack and is in fact about three feet taller than dier_cire.

Impromptu Greco-Roman Wrestling, anyone?

Skully wasn't present to sing Sweet Transvestite because he wasn't at the meet because he was "busy" with his "wife" who is "pregnant," as if that's any excuse (Hi, guys! Hope all is well!), so Lilac stepped in and did an excellent job substituting.

This is a cult of people in red shirts. Sadly, before the meet was over they were all killed off in various ways while the main characters survived.

TechSmurf outlined Insane Steve's sideburns. I have no idea why either--it's TechSmurf, for god's sake--but it cracked me up completely.

The first words Princess Sunshine said to me at the meet, other than hello, were to offer me penis, as pictured above. Apparently she's been making sparkly penis soap, which is such a wonderful phrase that Doc Trauma decided that's the name of the band he plays in. "Playing for one night only at The Woodlands, Sparkly Penis Soap!" Hey, if a band with a name like Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine can put out nine CDs, I'm sure Sparkly Penis Soap could last for at least four.

Jelloboi taunts people on the other side of the window with bacon salt. No one came zombie-like through the window to get the bacon salt, so all was good.

There was no ice water in the ice water cooler.

There was also no ice in the ice machine. This is true. Columbus apparently was suffering from an ice shortage while we were there.

After I took this, Doc Trauma told me that on day two in photography school they teach students not to use a flash when taking a picture in a mirror. This got me to wondering what they teach on day one. I'm assuming they teach you to take the lens cap off and keep your camera with you so you can actually use it to take pictures. If this is true, I did better on the day one lessons at this meet than Doc did, as evidenced by my photoset of captions to his KoLumbus 4 pictures (not pictured).

I have far too much class to post crap like this.

This is what Bananagrams looks like when you totally give up.

I don't get this shirt at all. I don't care. I still like it.

PinkLady kicked ass in double jeopardy. Unfortunately for her, the first round also counted.

Pope Sunshine I explains to Cthules her platform of increased leniency for offenses involving farm animals. She has the strong support of altar boys everywhere.

TechSmurf rides, $1 (or best offer).

There was a wait at the restaurant, so we killed some time at The Container Store, which has containers pre-filled with scotch tape for your convenience. On the way there we saw a sign for wood-fired food of some sort, although it was phrased oddly. The word fired was first for some reason. I made a reference to the wood being unemployed rather than fired, at which point Doc Trauma announced that Unemployed Wood is the name of his solo project once Sparkly Penis Soap breaks up (or, I suppose more accurately in this context, dissolves).

The cat carriers are for sale because they are air-tight, though some consider that a selling point.

Look, it's not just any spork, it's a beetle spork! It's like a spork, only beetle-y! And it's got, y'know, wings, and, and...

Okay, seriously, what the fuck. A beetle spork? This is pointless, and I don't care if it is certified fresh by Hogwild.

I had to angle the camera a bit oddly to get the beetle spork level for the picture, so try not to focus too much on the background, or you'll get dizzy and fall down. It's happened to me four times already.

I'd love to have seen the attempted stunt that got the bicycle stuck there.

The Container Store has half-cubes AND quarter-cubes! Though if you want to get technical, you have to cut a cube into eighths before you have cubes again.

The Kingdom Of Loathing auction, in which Lilac demonstrated that not only is he a great Skully singalong substitute, but he also makes a passable Price Is Right lady.

I take photos of photos. As for what's happening here, use your imagination. It'll be more interesting than the reality of it.

As long as they weren't nine years old, I'm okay with this. They apparently were a little unhappy to be in the room next to the room where Rock Band was set up, largely because of a particular singing performance that was loud and powerful and really damn loud but more or less failed to hit the desired notes at the proper time, which I think would offend the sensibilities of a choir even more than it wouild an average joe. It was the sort of performance that makes it to air on the early-in-the-season episodes of American Idol.

It was suggested, possibly by Lilac but I don't remember for sure, that I should take a picture of Lilac's ample bosom. Done and done!

Here's where all the ice ended up!

I hear you can judge a hotel by the quality of its windowsill debris. Sadly, I have heard nothing about how this works. I can, however, assure you that debris is much funnier if you pronounce it derbis. It's true! Try it yourself if you don't believe me.

As the meet wound down, there were acts of harmonicating, which is far less dirty than it sounds.

Due to a fluke of angle and background positioning, I now have a photo of MrGreenSmiling and Nsurgnie on either side of aspiring Mousekiteer rtaylor. If he gets hired, they probably won't let him wear a "behold the devil" t-shirt.

Yeah, um... No comment.

This person got wrapped in tape and I have no idea why. She seemed a bit baffled as well.

This was our big exit. We said our goodbyes at the typical end-of-meet four-fucking-hour-long goodbye, and turned to leave.

Everyone saw we were leaving and said their goodbyes, many of them waving to us as we left.

It was quite the production, with everyone watching us on our way out.

There were even hugs for some of us before we exited.

Once outside, we realized we were parked on the other side of the building, and we had to either circle the outside of the hotel or cut back through the room we'd just made an epic exit from. *sigh* Doc Trauma and I decided that we couldn't go back inside, citing General Principles. Sweet Sarnia and PinkLady opted to cut through. See if anyone ever gives them an epic sendoff again! In the meantime, I took a picture of a mouse hole like in cartoons, only this one is in concrete. Wouldn't want to meet those mice in a dark alley.

I was saddened to see that Jick is selling out, drawing pictures for professional moving companies. Now it's just as matter of time before George Lucas hires him, and then it's all over.

Me driving. I'm not fat, I'm big-haired.

Dude, I don't think that abbreviates to D.A.R.E. Besides, we all know that D.A.R.E. stands for Drugs Are Really Expensive.

The highway curves to the right here because otherwise drivers would ram the billboard.

In addition to bridges, Pittsburgh has architecture. They also have a bus station, which they moved one day without bothering to set up any signs at the old location informing people where the new bus station was located, but that is another story.

Welcome back to Pittsburgh, city of heavy snow and brick streets.

My brother-in-law Mike and I helped my sister Roxanne make dinner. Here Mike cuts the cheese while I prepare a bowl of caramel vomit. Surprisingly, the dinner was very good despite our help.

There was, however, an unfortunate incident with the broccoli spider.

I'm not asleep here, but I might as well be. I love this beanbag chair. Sharing it is even better.

If you eat this yogurt with antibiotics, they cancel out.

Okay, something's misspelled somewhere.

Gee, I've always wanted a Halloween surplus Marty Feldman zombie!

If only this was a cinnamon shaker rather than a salt shaker, we'd have a real-life rebus, though I admit I'm not sure they make that flavor anymore.

My sister in the glare of blue light, making her look like a smurf, or a frostbite victim, or possibly underwater. So many stereotypical ways to go with blue.

Misspelt flakes.

Look! Hundreds of coasters!

Your self storage co. has seen better days.

PinkLady said this made her think of me. I told her that was just silly. My name's not Rosemary.

In 1500 feet, the left lane ends and the right lane is closed. We're fucked.

Bridge may be icy? Really?

You don't say! Thank you, Captain Obvious! Fortunately, we got home okay, though we did have an issue with my wipers freezing up so that they didn't contour to the windshield, instead cleaning a three inch stripe at the top and bottom and leaving the center of the windshield completely untouched. Those wipers have since been replaced.

I think this photoset has more photos than any I have previously done. That would make sense, since I actually came six shots short of filling my SD card, and that's after I deleted some awful photos that didn't come out. Thanks again, everyone, for another wonderful meet.