Okay, this will take a little bit of explaining to prevent misunderstandings...
Some people become offended what I consider the most innocuous things. Some people take for granted things that I consider completely wrong. I have opinions or make jokes that I think are fine, but which other people find highly offensive. And somewhere along the line some people came to believe that I don’t find anything at all offensive.
Well, I actually find quite a number of things offensive. I’m just, I find, a fair deal more open minded than most. But, in order to have somewhere to point people when they get on my case for being offensive, I’ve created this page. Mostly these things truly are things I find offensive on some level, though I think there are a just a handful that qualify more as annoying than offensive. But, c’est la vie. So, for the record, here is my partial list of things I find offensive.
I find the success enjoyed by pointless bands such as Green Day while far better and more meaningful bands such as A House toil in near-total obscurity offensive.
I find America doing the very things that they denounce other nations for doing offensive.
I find the "Defense Of Marriage" act offensive.
I find the fact that South Carolina’s state constitution still expressly forbids interracial marriage offensive. I don’t care whether it’s enforced or not, it shouldn’t still exist as law. I mean, I’ve never considered South Carolina a hotbed of liberal progressivism, but really...
I find Pat Robertson offensive.
I find Jerry Falwell offensive.
I find JG offensive.
I find Duane Gish, Henry Morris, and the ICR in general offensive.
I find the fact that I have more original thoughts in a single daydream than the five people listed above have had in their entire lives combined offensive. Everyone has a brain; why do so few people use them?
I find anyone who has the audacity to tell me that I’m going to hell offensive.
I find creationism in general offensive, especially the part where they (and perhaps not all creationists technically fit this bill, but most do) claim that there is no evidence whatsoever to support evolution in any way, shape, or form. Remember, some people never let facts, the truth, or reality stand in the way of their beliefs.
I find the quick death of "Nothing Sacred," one of the best TV shows I’ve ever seen, offensive.
I find the inverse relationship between the importance of a person's job and how much they get paid for doing it offensive.
I find people who believe that things they don’t agree with should be absolutely forbidden from occurring in their presence offensive.
I find people who attack others under the cloak of anonymity without having the courage to crawl out from under their rock and take credit for their statements offensive.
I find the KKK offensive.
I find racism offensive.
I find the endless cries of racism from any minority member who has ever had anything bad happen to him or her offensive. Sure, sometimes it’s racism, but sometimes it’s used as an excuse for not trying harder or having to face the fact that perhaps just maybe some of the problem lies with them, or with random chance. Bad things happen because of racism, but not everything bad that happens is a result of racism.
I find the use of "Christian" as a synonym for "moral" offensive. Talk about the height of arrogance. The concept of morality existed long before Christianity did, and will exist long after Christianity is something reserved solely for college mythology classes.
I find people’s inability to take a joke without feeling it's a personal attack aimed directly at them offensive.
I find people’s inability to handle dissenting opinions without feeling it's a personal attack aimed directly at them offensive.
I find people’s inability to deal with any piece of reality that doesn’t fit into their nice, pleasant, neatly-ordered, self-constructed, overly-sheltered, narrow-minded corner of the universe offensive.
I find people’s inability to realize that theirs is not the only way offensive.
I find the banning of works of art and literature on the grounds that they contain "potentially offensive" material that children need to be protected from offensive. Wake up, you people. Children know far more than you think they do, and will find out about these things with or without your help. All your banning does is ensure that the children will find out about these things from some source you have no control over, and which is no more likely to be accurate than if you had Buster The Wonder Horse indicate the answer to a math problem by stomping his hoof in the dirt. What you consider to be "potentially offensive," other people consider to be pure genius. Not everyone is as anal as you.
I find people who feel the need to regulate freedom offensive. If it's regulated, it's not freedom. This falls into the category of "government butting in where it doesn't belong." The regulations should define what freedoms people have, and what protections people have from infrigements upon that freedom. Regulations should not exist if their purpose is to limit freedom rather than defend it.
I find the success of Star Wars offensive. There are so many better movies out there that no one seems to know or care about. Sure, Star Wars was a fun movie (well, actually, the last time I saw it I found it really boring, but I used to think it was fun so we’ll go with that), but how the hell did this by-the-numbers tale become so ridiculously popular? I swear I will never understand how this movie became the top-grossing film of all time. Of course, I wonder the same thing about ET, Jurassic Park, and Titanic, and about the ridiculous popularity of Adam Sandler and Pauly Shore. You’ll never go broke if you bet on the ability of the standards of the human race to sink even lower. Yeah, the sequels were better, noteworthy even, but even two months before the release of The Phantom Menace I can’t go a day without hearing about it. Don’t you people have a life?
I find the fact that Akiva Goldsman still has a job in Hollywood offensive.
I find any attempt by money-obsessed executives to try to regulate the creativity of others in books, television, and movies offensive. Those who have no creative ability have no right to beat down those who do.
I find pretty much everything Bud Selig has done to baseball since he became interim commissioner, from standing around ineffectually while a strike set the game back five years to celebrating his promotion to full time commissioner by realizing that the one problem that all baseball fans had in common was that they felt World Series tickets were too cheap and immediately doubling their price, offensive.
I find the endless emphasis on money over everything else offensive.
I find the exchange of insults defended under the guise of a "debate" offensive.
I find people who insist that everything must have a simple, quantifiable, black and white answer offensive.
I find people who claim to debate but merely rip on those who are easy pickings and ignore those who offer up opinions that require thought offensive.
I find people who never change their minds offensive.
I find people who always change their minds offensive.
I find people who twist the letter of the law to their own purposes until the spirit of the law is mangled beyond recognition offensive.
I find George W. Bush's response to a critical parody of him that "There ought to be limits to freedom" offensive.
I find—let's cut right to the chase on this one—everything about George W. Bush offensive. His record on the death penalty (which I still kinda support, but Jesus, when you execute a man so mentally retarded that he saves his dessert from his last meal so he'll have something to eat after the execution, you've really crossed a line), his election (remember, he was somewhat legally elected by a minority of the voters, and we're supposed to respect that), his position on rising fuel prices (he claims that his tax cut will give people the money they need to afford gas at potentially three dollars per gallon; as Bill Maher said, "Why not cut out the middle man and cut the check directly to Exxon?"), everything. But, what else should we expect when the Republican party, in its ongoing effort to prove it is not out of touch with the common "man on the street," nominates for the highest office in the land two rich white male oil tycoons from Texas? On a side note, has anyone else noticed that there has been a Dole or a Bush on every Republican Presidential ticket since 1976? Supporters may say that's a sign of consistency. I say it's a sign of inbreeding. And the same thing goes for NASCAR.
I find the NRA offensive. Their solution to everything, including shotgun-related deaths, is "More guns." They said what happened at Columbine wouldn't have been nearly as bad if "the teachers had been armed too." (Though to be fair, once the feedback on that one started pouring in, they retracted that one.) Let me tell you, if the teachers at school were armed, I wouldn't attend, and I wouldn't let my kids attend, either. Ever see road rage? When that person is screaming and gesturing obscenely with both hands at once, don't you just wish he had a gun as well? Exactly.
I find the gun lobby's highly successful efforts to equate "gun control" with the much different and far more questionable "gun abolition" offensive.
I find any personal injury lawyer who advertises on television offensive.
I find the endless bashing of France offensive. I'm not talking about casual remarks, like people always make about this or that. I'm talking about the furious, vehement, "frog-eating bastards" kind of bashing that some here in the United States feel is perfectly rational and justified. I've heard lots of people say they won't shop at Target stores because the company is owned by the French. Idiots, the lot of them. Here's a fact, people: France is the most faithful ally the United States has ever had. Seriously. I know most people react to that statement by saying, "No way! England is!" No, England may be our top ally now, but we fought two wars against them. We've never been at war with France. In fact, the United States wouldn't exist if France hadn't supplied manpower and equipment to the colonists during the Revolutionary War. The treaty that ended that war and formal recognition to the United States of America as a sovereign nation independent from England was called the Treaty Of Paris. In 1803 Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte of France agreed to sell Louisiana to the United States, giving America control of the Mississippi River, which was essential to the young nation's economic growth, and land stretching from New Orleans all the way to the border of what is now Idaho, an area equal to roughly a quarter of the modern continental United States. The War of 1812 resulted in part from our willingness to continue to trade with France while England was at war with them. England's actions against the United States in response led President Madison to declare war, leaving England to face a united French/American force for the second time in forty years. Hell, the quintessential symbol of this country, The Statue Of Liberty, the first glimpse of America seen by million of people immigrating to this country, was a gift from France. Try to imagine New York without The Statue of Liberty. We only have that because of France. Some years later, the Nazi Party rose to power in Germany. They invaded countries across Europe, countries including France, countries whose leaders pretty much got down on their knees and begged us to help them. "Sorry," United States leadership said. "Not our problem." The Nazi occupation of France lasted four years—four entire years—and may not have ended if not for Japan bombing Pearl Harbor. The United States declared war on Japan, which led Germany and Italy to declare was on us, involving us in the European mess whether we wanted it or not. America helped turn the tide against Germany, not singlehandedly, but with the help of other nations, more and more as their peoples were slowly freed and the Nazi Party driven back and ultimately defeated. Now, sixty years later, the children and grandchildren of those who helped liberate Europe loudly and brazenly announce, "If it wasn't for us, you'd all be speaking German!" Yeah, well, if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't even be Americans. And now people condemn them for not agreeing to invade Iraq—hey, France has been an occupied country. Maybe they didn't want to play the role of aggressor. People turn French fries into Freedom fries. During World War II, they also turned sauerkraut into Liberty Cabbage, and just because Germany declared war on us, invaded most of the countries in Europe, and tried to exterminate an entire race of people. All France did was aid us in two wars, give us the universal symbol of liberty, get no help from us for years when they desperately needed it, and then stand by their principles that war should be the option of last resort and tell George Bush that at the very least, they needed to see proof before invading Iraq. How dare they? Those frog-eating bastards! Let's face it: They've been much better allies to us than we've been to them.
I find endless celebrity endorsements offensive. Does Shaq really need the money he gets from endorsing candy bars? Does anyone care what long distance company Candice Bergen shills for? When Michael Jordan does advertisements for everything except feminine hygeine products, do the companies really think people are going to say, "Michael Jordan eats Roadkill Pulp Hot Dogs! I gotta buy me fourteen dozen of them!"? Please.
I find endorsements from dead celebrities really offensive. Steve McQueen does not endorse cars manufactured after he died. John Wayne does not endorse a brand of beer. Ed Sullivan does not have a new show. Have some respect for the dead. Have some class. Put a stop to this now.
I also find the use of songs in commercials offensive, especially when they're taken totally out of context. I know that in many cases the band had no say in it, but it still doesn't make it right. There are so many of these that it's impossible to keep track anymore. One of the worst was the war protest song "Fortunate Son" by CCR being used, during the current fiasco in Iraq, to sell jeans, by simply playing the lines "Some folks are born, made to wave the flag,
oh, they're red, white and blue." That is not even CLOSE to what that song is saying, and twisting that song into an ad for clothing, exploiting it to promote consumerism, is wrong on every level.
That enough for now? Don't worry; I'm sure I'll be working on this fairly frequently, adding some new things and refining or dropping others. I hope this has helped clarify my position on what I find offensive and most likely several other issues. If you're offended by this list, odds are it's because you fit into one of the groups of people I listed above, and if that's the case, I have absolutely no sympathy for you whatsoever. Until next time, ta ta.